My EX Best friend Sue

The back door opened and squeals of laughter drifted toward my small home office, I knew my daughters were home from the last day of our local Art in the Park festival with my best friend Sue.

Before they even entered my office, I could hear screams of "Momma! Momma! You won! you won! It was on the radio and you won Momma!"

"Won, I thought……"I haven’t entered any contest. What are they talking about I won, I won what?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked as they danced around my small office with my best friend Sue, excitedly chanting "Momma won! Momma won!"

"I won what" I asked.

"The pig calling contest Momma! It was broadcast live on the radio. Miss Sue entered in YOUR NAME, Momma and you won!!" They screamed gleefully.

.I sat in total disbelief, stunned but still able to shake my head as I managed to moan "No, No," each time they screamed "Yes, Momma you won!"

The pig calling contest? …..No I moaned as it slowly sank in. I thought how can I ever live this down? Did my friends, did our business acquaintances hear it

The radio? Live broadcast? my name? ….I was mortified!

How could she I thought!

I could just see her stepping up on that stage and walking up close to the microphone giving my name. Her long flaming red hair flung back as far as she could manage and with a long, loud high pitch "Soooweeee" coming from deep within her throat "Soooweeee" as her head came forward, "Soooweeeeee!"

At last words escaped my throat. "No, I screamed you didn’t!" As they collapsed in laughter on the floor.

Not one to forget easily, A couple of weeks later I called the teenage daughter of my EX-best friend Sue, who I assigned the task of casually mentioning to her mother my encounter with a famous actor at our local country store.

Once off the phone, I made a quick trip down to the store, a quaint historic building with a single gas pump from decades gone by stood silently in remembrance of eighteen cent a gallon gasoline.

I climbed the three steep steps, walked toward the over-fed sleeping hound that separated me from the door. The moment I opened the door a small silver bell hung from a faded red ribbon, jingled.

Standing behind the old wood counter was my husband’s childhood friend Leslie, the store proprietor. Glancing up from the antique cash register with glasses perched midway on his nose he flashed a warm smile and greeted me as I entered the door. He motioned me over to the old pot bellied stove as he came around the counter.

He sat in the old barber chair and listened to my plan with amusement. Laughing he agreed to help knowing he would be the first one Sue would call and ask if it were true.

Now, all was set, all I had to do was wait…

The next day I received a frantic call from a blabbering incoherent lady, between the bawling and sobbing of incoherent words all I could make out was …"Tom.

"The door bell never rang; she burst into the house with a maniac look, squalling her eyes out, she flung that head of long flaming red hair down on my breakfast bar and bawled her eyes out. "Why, why!" she said between sobs as she pounded my breakfast bar with her fist.

"Why didn’t you call me, she said. You know that Tom Selleck is my favorite actor in the whole world. Why didn’t Leslie call me? What did Tom say, did you talk to him?" She continued to sob uncontrollably. "How could you do this to me?" Over and over like a shrieking badly scratched 45 record on a cheap Hi Fi…

By this time, I am feeling about knee-high to a grasshopper, this "joke" seems to be back firing rapidly, and I was beginning to feel remorse for doing this to her. Heck, I didn’t know she was going to carry on so.

I began to regret the plot for payback on the pig calling Joke. I was beginning to think …..I better neverrrr tell her the truth!

Fifteen years later, she still believes that Tom Selleck was at our local country store and that I met him.

Wink wink!

By June Davidson